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Happy Hour Lecture Outline
Introduction (10 Minutes)
· Statistics
· The Foundation for Safety and Friendship
· Who Really Wants to Live With a Toddler?
Dogs and Toddlers at Home (25 Minutes)
· Overview
· Basics for Toddler’s Side of Things
· Basics for Dog’s Side of Things
· Real Life Examples
· Fostering Friendship to Last a Lifetime
· Are Your Training Methods “Kid Safe”?
Dogs and Toddlers Meeting in Public (15 Minutes)
· Overview
· What Parents Need to Know
· What Dog Owners Need to Know
Helping Dogs Be More Comfortable/Safer With Toddlers (25 Minutes)
· Do These Dogs Look Happy?
· How to Help a Dog Be Calm
· HOW Do You Safely Socialize Dogs to Children?
· Recognizing Warning Signs and Red Flags
Question and Answer (10 Minutes)
What to Do From Here – References and Resources (5 Minutes)
Statistics
· Two thirds of our children will be bitten by
dogs sometime before age twelve. Most of these dogs will be known to
the children – their own dogs or dogs owned by family and friends.
· While most of the estimated 2.6 million
bites per year will not leave lasting physical scars, some will be
serious maulings resulting in death or disfigurement. Seventy-seven
percent of bites to young children under four will be to the face and
head. Every single bite will cause emotional distress for the family
and most often trigger the dog’s one-way trip to the animal
shelter.
· Parents are left wondering, “Well,
what’s it going to be like for me? Is my dog a danger to my
toddler? What about other people’s dogs? How do I keep both my
young child and my old ‘baby’ safe and happy? After all,
our dog is part of our family, too.”
What All Parents and Dog Owners Need to Know
· What you know may not be what you need to
know! That is, what “everyone” knows to do with dog and
kids is not working for 2/3 of our children.
· Normal dogs don’t “turn
vicious” or bite out of the blue; there will be warning signs.
· Most owners will not recognize these signs (but you will!).
· Toddlers and dogs do not have the moral
reasoning power to make good decisions and thus cannot be expected to
be “friends” until the child is at least around age five.
· Success comes from your work with your dog
and your work with your child. It is never about the relationship
between the dog and the baby/child.
· Lassie and Timmy were both actors.
· Times have changed! Parents no longer
respond to dog bites by asking the child, “What did you do to the
dog?” Instead, lawyers are called.
· Dogs with even a single bite to a child
(regardless of provocation) have a reduced chance for adoption to
another home.
Even with all this, you CAN have your happy ending. How? By
building your Foundation for Safety and Friendship and keeping that
foundation in good repair.
The Foundation for Safety and Friendship
Toddler Dog
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You
This most important part of this foundation is between you and your
dog. Your relationship with your dog and the level of
communication you share is what makes it possible for your children and
your dog to become friends. So many common dog/toddler problems
can be prevented with dog training that’s simple and fun to
do.
Next step is between you and your toddler. Left to their own
devices, toddlers will NOT choose appropriate, safe behavior with
dogs. That’s just not what they do (see below).
Parents are in the middle between dog and toddler, working with both to
learn how to foster friendship and live in peace. They do this by
preventing bad experiences and encouraging goodwill and tolerance
between child and dog.
When toddlers get close to age 5, they can begin to build a bridge to
the dog, offering more predictability and the start of true
friendship. As the dog feels safe with the child, he also builds
his bridge towards the child, meeting in the middle and forming a
relationship all their own.
Here’s to that happy ending we are all looking for!
Who Really Wants to Live With a Toddler?
Remember – toddlers and children are not the
same creatures! Most of our memories and mental pictures of kids
growing up with dogs are geared towards older children. Here are
just some of the things toddlers do every single day:
· Throw things · Play with obnoxious, loud toys
· Scream and yell · Hit, kick, pinch and grab
· Walk unsteadily, fall often · Throw tantrums
· Stare · Run, run, run!
Who in their right mind would CHOOSE to live with
someone like this? Dogs don’t get the benefit of
frantically paging through the parenting books to see when each new
challenging stage will be finished.
There is very little a toddler has to offer a dog that a dog would
enjoy. We love the little monkeys because they can be so cute and
funny and we know that this time will not last forever. In fact, your
dog doesn’t know that toddlers will ever grow out of this stuff
and they aren’t swayed by any of the cute little things toddlers
say to melt your heart.
Can you imagine how tough this can be for your
dog? Sympathize with your dog’s perspective while you
remind yourself, “This too will pass.” Soon enough,
your toddler will become a child and his or her behavior will be more
predictable and safe to your dog. Until then, the trick is to get
through this period without any harm done.
Dogs and Toddlers At Home
Overview
Picture yourself regularly taking a commuter train to work each
day. You see many of the same people every day. Most are
people who read their papers and nod politely to each other. One
person, though, is a bit of a weirdo. He stands too close,
babbles to himself, stares at you and gets in your space.
All of a sudden the train jerks to a stop and people fall onto each
other! If one of the paper-readers falls on you, won’t you
both smile awkwardly at each other and simply brush yourselves off and
get back to what you were doing? Now consider, what if it was the
weirdo who fell on you? Feel any different about it? Are you
likely to react differently?
Here’s another scenario. New neighbors are moving in next
door. You look out and see it’s someone you recognize from
your train. Don’t you think you’d go over and say hi
if it were one of the paper-readers? Would you EVER be friends
with the weirdo?
Moral of the story: Don’t let your child be the weirdo in
your dog’s eyes. Far better to be polite acquaintances
living uneventfully together until the child is old enough to be a
friend to your dog.
The best way to keep your toddler safe from your dog is to keep your dog safe from your toddler.
Basics for The Toddler Side of Things
· Bites do not “come out of the
blue.” If you regularly describe your dog as “great
with kids,” take a step back and consider what makes you think
this. Usually people say something like, “Because he lets
the kids do__________” and list several things generally
uncomfortable for dogs. Just like the straw that broke the
camel’s back, dogs can reach a breaking point. Do not let your
toddlers do things that annoy or bother your dog.
· Consider your dog as
“unavailable” to your toddler(s). Learn effective
child management techniques to redirect attraction to the dog. It IS
possible for toddlers to ignore your dog and still be friends later.
· Know your toddler’s developmental stages and what can reasonably be expected in each stage.
· Build positive associations with your dog. Speak well of him at all times!
· Do not badmouth your dog!
· When toddler approaches your dog, call your
dog to you and reinforce him for coming. This will help him be
more likely to come find you if cornered by your toddler.
· Walk with your toddler and be ready to step between toddler and dog before there is any contact.
· A toddler’s behavior is not
predictable enough to be a friend to a dog. Your dog will not
trust friendly overtures later if they are paired with crazy toddler
behavior now.
· There is a big difference between not
letting your toddler mess with your dog and saying such behavior is
“not allowed.” The point is to prevent problems
before they start, not just to tell the toddler “No” after
he’s already done it. This is important in terms of building safe
habits for your child. I can almost guarantee that toddlers will
go back to the “no, no, no” behaviors as soon as they have
an opportunity. Unless you are able to watch your toddler every
single minute, it’s important to monitor what’s going into
her repertoire.
· What you allow your child to practice doing
with your dog is what he will develop as habitual behaviors with dogs
in general. This is partially why so many children are bitten by
dogs owned by friends and family. Other dogs may not be as
forgiving as your dog has been. Early childhood habits and
attitudes towards dogs form the foundation for influencing choices
throughout childhood. What you do now may prevent a bite later!
· Do not laugh at or respond to things your
toddler does with your dog other than casually removing the opportunity
to continue the behavior. A common example is throwing food to
the dog from the highchair.
· Does your dog get agitated at certain times
of the day or with certain things your toddler does? Teach older
toddlers how to notice when the dog is upset and to STOP what they are
doing.
· Remind toddlers often that it is not their
job to make the dog do anything or stop doing anything. Three and
four year olds like to be little police officers!
Basics for the Dog’s Side of Things
· All dogs have a goodwill/tolerance
“bank” account. No one knows the starting balance,
but we can keep track of the withdrawals and deposits along the
way. Every unpleasant encounter is a withdrawal. Is your
toddler writing checks on your dog’s account? Are you sure
to be making deposits by actively reinforcing your dog with praise and
treats whenever something annoying happens? If not, you may see a
bounced check in the form of a growl or snap.
· How’s your training foundation?
What behaviors could your dog learn or brush up on that would make
things easier with a toddler? Training gives you the
communication tools for teaching your dog what you WANT him to
do. Think: “Wouldn’t it be cool if my dog did
________” rather than “I wish my dog would stop doing
_________.”
· Set yourself and your dog up for
success! Are your dog’s basic needs for good nutrition,
medical care, physical and mental exercise and time with the family
being met?
· Dogs benefit from a little time away, too! Quick walks can do a world of good.
· Many dogs will not leave to be by
themselves. Don’t assume your dog is OK just because he’s
apparently choosing to stick around amid a lot of chaos. This is
especially true when dogs are in a comfortable resting spot.
· Why not consider a fun dog training class to
reconnect with your dog (and get out of the house yourself!)?
· Toddlers that come to visit are almost like
starting over for your dog. Do not expect the same tolerance and
be prepared to reinforce heavily.
· Are you wearing “Lassie Glasses”
and missing important warning signs in your dog’s behavior?
· Dogs pick up on YOUR stress whether you want
them to or not. What can you do to make things easier for
yourself? That will help your dog and child, too.
Real Life Examples
“What do I do when…”
§ Dog is barking and driving me crazy
§ Dog grabs toddler’s toy
§ Toddler bounces ball off dog’s head (or similar disruptive thing)
§ Child is walking around with food and dog is trying to get it
§ Dog knocks over child
§ Toddler throws food on the floor
§ Dog growls at child
§ Toddler hits dog
§ Toddler has tantrum and freaks out the dog b/c he’s hitting ME
§ Toddler is obsessed with dog’s water bowl (or toy basket)
§ Etc.
For any situation, your response is going to follow the same basic
pattern. The idea is to remain focused on the future.
“This time” has already happened and can’t be
changed, but you CAN influence how things turn out next time.
1) Remain calm. Respond as if you are well in control
of the situation. Reacting by yelling or getting upset only
serves to add emotional fuel to the fire and actually make it more
likely that the problem will be repeated. Model the behavior
you’d like your child to show when things go wrong in her own
life.
2) Was it bad for your dog? Immediately make
eye contact, praise your dog and give him some treats. Give
enough reinforcement to your dog to more than make up for whatever
withdrawal just happened. Do not yell at your toddler.
3) Was it bad for your toddler? Remain neutral
towards your dog, calm and steady with your toddler until she calms
down. Emphasize that YOU will handle things. Do not yell at your
dog.
4) Analyze the situation. Can you identify a
training gap and fix it? Did your management break down?
Are you set up for success with both toddler and dog? Do these
problems happen at the same time each day? Anyone tired or hungry?
5) Make a plan for how to prevent in the future (training or management).
Fostering Friendship Between Dog and Toddler
When?
§ Child is between four and five years old
§ Child shows an interest AND can reliably follow directions and rules
§ Dog already knows how to take treats gently without being reminded
§ Dog is already good at a few basic behaviors
or tricks. Good ones are Sit, Down, Wait and Come. (Do not
allow toddler to work on “Shake”.)
How?
§ Under direct parental supervision.
Parent is responsible for both dog and toddler. Expect to be
actively coaching both. Have some treats handy to reinforce dog
for hanging in there with child!
§ In set “sessions”, not something toddler is encouraged to do on his own
§ Consider picking up some “gear”
for your toddler – treat bag, his own treats, etc. This is
fun for kids and makes it easier to limit “training” to
when you are available to supervise (and get his gear down from its
high/hiding place).
§ When first teaching gentle touches, teach
“Pet, pet, pet…All Done…Walk Away”.
Toddlers like to say “All Done” to the dog (even though we
know it’s meant for them). Teach touches that are already
familiar and pleasant to your dog. Good choices are petting
shoulder area on the closest side or stroking from top of head to
middle of back.
§ Start referring to dog as “your dog,” as in, “Let your dog out.”
What? – Provide Relief
§ Best first choices are things that provide
relief to your dog. Stuff like filling the water bowl when dog is
thirsty (can set up after a walk) – child fills from a watering
can vs. carrying water bowl. Other things are opening door to let
dog out or in (if child already opens doors) or being the one to give
permission with the food bowl.
§ Caution on toddler “helping” with
feeding: involving a toddler usually means the feeding takes a
lot longer. This can be frustrating and annoying to the dog and have
the opposite effect of fostering friendship if the toddler’s
involvement means that it takes longer to get food!
What? – Build Communication
§ All training is communication and what child doesn’t want to learn to talk to the animals?
§ Allow child to cue easy behaviors for the dog
and reinforce with treats. This helps the dog learn to listen and
respond to the child and to anticipate this sort of relationship in
future interactions. It makes the child more familiar and predictable
and thus, safer to be around.
§ Play games as a family! Hide and Seek
recalls, jumping over things together, calling dog’s name,
teaching tricks, etc.
§ Parents can start dog on clicker training and incorporate into toddler sessions.
§ NOTE: In no way is training expected to
“show the dog who’s boss” or make the dog
“respect” child as you may read in older, dominance-based
training books. That is a dangerous way for dogs and toddlers to
relate to each other. Remember, this is the time for building a
foundation and beginning to foster friendship. Set your
expectations accordingly.
Training Methods Have Come a Long Way – Are Yours “Kid-Safe”?
The Basics
Modern dog training techniques have little in common with the old days
of “military style” training with choke chains and lots of
yelling and yanking on the dog to make him do things. Trainers and pet
owners around the world have found that you just don’t have to do
these things to effectively motivate and communicate with ANY animal,
let alone the animals we have as our friends.
“Dominance/alpha theory” as applied to our relationships
with pet dogs has been questioned for quite some time and is falling
out of favor in the scientific community. There is little substantive
scientific basis for using wolf pack theory as a basis for
communicating with our pet dogs. Plus, it’s not that useful for
fostering friendships between children and dogs. Kids will never win
under those rules.
In addition, any training method involving the use of force or
intimidation carries unique risks to young children – physical,
emotional and developmental. Why take risks with your child when you
can use benevolent, no-force methods to achieve even better training
results?
Physical Safety Concerns
§ It’s only a matter of time before your
toddler mimics your behavior with your dog. This is how kids learn.
What is YOUR toddler learning? If your toddler is learning to point at
the dog, grab the dog roughly by the collar, shout at the dog or even
more dangerous actions, she is going to be at risk of a serious bite
when the dog says, “Enough!” The bite may come from your
dog; it may come from a dog at a friend’s house.
§ If your dog has been raised with the
philosophy that “might makes right,” he may have less
inhibition about doing his own “corrections” to your child
when she inevitably does something annoying.
§ If your training approach focuses on
suppressing behavior by punishing the dog, please keep in mind that you
cannot predict when this behavior will “bubble up” again.
The dog has not learned the skills he needs to manage this situation
and will not know what else to do.
§ A specific danger from punishing or
“correcting” dogs for those initial lower-level aggressive
responses like growling or air snapping is that you just might see the
next level come without warning. Keep punishing the warning signs and
you may end up seeing a serious bite come seemingly out of nowhere.
Effects on Small Children – Emotional and Developmental
§ “Problem behaviors” from our pets
are opportunities to teach our children how to approach problem solving
with empathy and compassion towards the feelings and needs of others.
Consider: “Betty didn’t go on her walk today so she has a
lot of extra energy – let’s throw the ball for her”
vs “Goshdarnit! STOP JUMPING! NO – BAD DOG!” This is
also an opportunity to focus on the importance of paying attention and
taking responsibility: “It’s not the dog’s fault we
left the sausage on the table. Next time, we will clear the table
before going out to play.”
§ Your behavior with your dog shows your child
what you are capable of. Your child may reasonably deduce that your
same reactions are available for how she will be treated. Will your
child be afraid of you based on how she sees you react to your
dog’s mistakes?
§ What are you demonstrating about how to handle
situations that do not go your way? Your behavior with your dog is a
model to your child on what to do when things do not go HIS way –
generalized to all kinds of situations, possibly for a lifetime.
§ Many children form strong connections and feel
“allied” with family pets. It can be devastating and
alienating for children to see them treated harshly.
§ What do kids learn about the permanence of
family members when they hear parents yelling at “that damn
dog?” Besides contributing to a throw-away view of animals, kids
have to wonder whether those same rules apply to them. Will very young
children think parents might want to “get rid of” them
someday, too?
Effect on Parents of Venting Anger
§ Physiological studies on the effects of anger
– particularly lashing out when you are angry – showed the
surprising conclusion that it is beneficial to your health to keep your
cool.
§ From Authentic Happiness by Dr. Martin
Seligman: “…the angriest (in the study) had roughly five
times as much heart disease as the least angry ones. In another study,
men who had the highest risk of later heart attacks were just the ones
with more explosive voices, more irritation when forced to wait, and
more outwardly directed anger. In experimental studies, when male
students bottle up their anger, blood pressure goes down, and it goes
up if they decide to express their feelings. Anger expression raises
blood pressure for women as well. In contrast, friendliness in reaction
to trespass lowers it.” (my emphasis)
§ Next time your dog drives you up a wall, give
YOURSELF a break and let it go! Think instead of the heart-healthy
habits your example is instilling in your child!
What to Do Instead
· Modern reinforcement-based training gives
you the tools to teach your dog what you want him to do. No longer are
owners limited to attempts to communicate “no”. Teach your
dog what you would like him to do instead and circumvent all the
nagging and scolding.
· Dog trainers use the term
“Management” to describe behavior solutions that involve no
actual training! Set your family up for success by preventing problems
from starting or escalating. Management doesn’t change the dog
– it changes the situation. Management is not failsafe, however,
so do not plan to rely solely on things like baby gates and closed
doors to keep a dangerous dog away from a baby or young child.
· Respond calmly when something goes wrong;
act as if it’s no big deal as you model the calm assurance of
someone who is on top of things and won’t be riled. This is also
more effective for getting what you want – too much excitement
actually reinforces unwanted behavior and/or makes it harder to catch
the dog!
· Avoid reprimanding the dog in the presence
of your toddler or young child. This is so important to avoid future
problems where a toddler will mimic your actions or possibly learn to
provoke the dog as a way to stir up some attention or excitement.
· Specific to dog and baby/toddler
interactions, supervise to proactively prevent unsafe encounters and
goodwill “withdrawals”. Remember that supervising and
preventing means it doesn’t happen in the first place. Almost
every single fatal dog attack involving a child or infant began without
an adult present – meaning that the child and dog somehow ended
up alone together. Never rely on the self-control and moral reasoning
powers of an animal or young child!
Dogs and Toddlers Meeting in Public
Overview
Imagine you are out with your husband minding your own business.
Along comes a man who asks your husband if he can kiss you – and
your husband says he can! Then, when you push the guy away, your
husband yells at you and says, “He was only being friendly and
trying to show you his love.” Yikes – that’s a
creepy example – but is it really THAT different for our dogs
when we ask them to tolerate uncomfortable touches from toddlers?
What Parents Need to Know
§ Practice simply observing dogs with your
toddler. Stop a little distance away from the dog and just
watch. Point out interesting things to notice – colors,
what the dog is doing, what kind of dog, etc. Approach the sight
of a dog as if it were an animal in the zoo vs. an amusement park
attraction. This gives you time to assess the safety of the situation
and prevents your child from developing the habit of running up to
strange dogs.
§ **Most dog owners do not have sufficient
influence over their dogs’ behavior choices and they overestimate
their dogs’ interest in being touched by a toddler.
§ Just because an owner says, “Yes, your
toddler may pet my dog” doesn’t mean it’s a good
idea. I’ve known more than one owner who was holding
his/her breath and hoping nothing bad would happen. The social
pressure to say yes is so strong that it overwhelms common sense.
§ Talk to dog owners! Say things like,
“Hi! Your dog is very beautiful. We are enjoying
watching her walk with you.” You can have a
“meeting” that does not involve touching. Do not ask
to touch the dog! If the owner offers to allow your toddler to touch,
you can assess the situation and decide appropriately:
§ Do NOT touch: dogs on prong or shock collars,
dogs whose owners jerk on the leash or yell or speak sharply to the
dog, dogs barking AT your child, dogs backing away, dogs that stare at
your child, dogs straining at the leash to come visit.
§ Use CAUTION* with: dogs on choke chains, dogs
wearing head halters, dogs who do not look at your child. (*means I
would not allow my kids to touch)
§ CONSIDER visiting: dogs who maintain a loose
leash, respond easily to their owner and remain calm and relaxed as you
approach. It’s usually a good sign if the owner is prepared
with treats to make it a positive experience for the dog.
§ Can always ask to see any tricks as a fun way for an interested owner to show off her dog!
§ What do you do if you decide to allow your
toddler to visit? You or the dog’s owner are between the
dog’s head and the child at all times. Slide your hand
along with your child’s so you can prevent any grabbing or
pulling. Remember: Pet, pet, pet – All Done.
§ Expect dogs to want to lick toddler’s faces – can knock kids down or make kids cry.
§ If toddler is already obsessed with dogs,
realize that this is no different than any other toddler
“obsession”. What if your toddler were obsessed with
basketballs (as mine was)? Would you allow him to run onto courts
and grab basketballs whenever he sees them? No, you would manage
to deal with the tantrums until your toddler matured enough to watch
calmly.
§ Explain to toddlers that it’s important to give dogs space.
§ Toddlers learn from their parents. Be
nonchalant when you see dogs. It’s OK to point them out but
resist the urge to get your toddler all excited. He or she will
come to love dogs in the proper time.
§ Tell your child he may touch dogs with you
when he’s five years old. This may help in situations where
other people offer their dogs to your toddler to touch (even when the
dogs are out of control!).
§ Never allow your child to go up to people with
dogs by himself. Always, always, always be right there with your
child.
§ Special Points for Loose dogs:
o Watch out for staring at your toddler
o Do not let toddler “toddle” around loose dogs. Pick up your child.
o Plan to intercept dogs if they approach
o Tell the owner to call his/her dog and put him on leash
o Leave the park if you are uncomfortable with the situation
o Call Animal Services if there is a leash law issue
What Dog Owners Need to Know
§ KNOW THIS: Toddlers can be rough on
dogs. “Affection” takes the form of too tight hugs,
trying to kiss, grabbing at paws to shake, etc. Young toddlers
often pull fur, grab and pinch – it’s just what they
do. PLAN: Given this, how will you ensure a good experience for
your dog? Feel free to say “no” if you are not
prepared or are not interested. There’s a lot of social pressure
to allow your dog to be petted by toddlers so some owners come up with
convenient lies! “My dog doesn’t feel well
today” or “It’s not my dog.”
§ Expect to have to be the one to tell the
toddler “No” and plan to be direct and clear in your
instruction. “I’m sorry but you may not touch my dog
today.” Use a “stop” hand signal with younger
toddlers.
§ Always an available option to simply turn and walk your dog away if you see an out-of-control toddler.
§ If you want to allow toddler to pet your dog, make sure the parent is present and engaged.
§ If there are several children, only allow one
at a time to pet your dog (if you choose to allow petting).
§ Your hands should be on your dog the whole
time the toddler is petting or close enough to touch. Your hands
are comforting and familiar and your touch allows you to feel for any
tension in your dog’s body. You can also prevent toddler
grabbing.
§ If all is going well after several seconds,
end the encounter. Either finish your walk or you can offer to
show a trick or two!
§ Regarding treats, DO carry treats with you to
reinforce tolerance and to make deposits. However, NEVER fool
yourself into using treats to “cover up” for a dog who is
acutely uncomfortable with small children (or who has a history of
growling around food). The attraction of the treat can mask
warning signs and you may see a snap or growl when the treats are no
longer there.
Helping Dogs Be More Comfortable/Safer With Toddlers
Do These Dogs Look Happy?
(Review of photos in class)
Here’s a list of common body language/behavior
differences between stressed dogs and happy dogs. Most dogs will
not show ALL these signs so look for a predominance of happy vs.
stressed. Also, an important sign of stress in your own dog is a
change from how he or she normally looks or acts.
Stressed Dogs
Relaxed/Happy Dogs
§ Move very fast or remain unnaturally still or
frozen § Move normally,
relaxed speed
§ “Wild eyes” darting around or eyes
pointedly looking away §
Respond to praise with wags and eye contact
§ Might be barking
§ Can still do behaviors and may even offer
known behaviors
§ Tense body, held stiffly
§ Look the same as they did before the toddler
interaction started
§ Does not respond to owner
cues § Will look at the child
(as if open to communication)
§ May refuse to take/eat
treats § If excited, will be
“dancing” vs. jumping and lunging
§ Panting, even drooling § Ears falling naturally
§ Tail tucked or wagging frantically
§ Ears pulled back
§ Growling
Notice that many of the behaviors of a stressed dog
lead to “correction” from owners. This makes matters
worse!
Allow a stressed dog the opportunity to calm down
before even thinking about allowing a toddler to interact or be close
to the dog. In fact, the absence of “looking happy”
is an early warning sign in itself for some dogs.
How to Calm a Dog
§ First step: Calm Yourself! Breathe
deeply and slowly. Allow your hands to be quiet and gentle on
your dog.
§ Do some Calming Signals: Yawn, look
away, lick your lips, look down at the ground or crouch down in
interest, turn away, etc. Kids are great at calming signals!
§ Give the dog some space. Stop
whatever’s going on when the dog appears stressed. Heed the
early warning signals. Being “heard” is very
reassuring to dogs.
§ Offer treats for effort or for steps in the
right direction even if it’s not exactly what you want.
Treats can change the whole picture for a dog and take the pressure
right off.
§ Play some Canine Lullabies (available for sale at the San Diego Humane Society)
§ Teach dog to go get a comforting toy when he’s stressed
§ Do some tricks your dog knows well.
§ Praise your dog just for being a good dog.
§ Stand in-between your dog and the object of his concern.
§ Teach your dog to respond to whispered cues and use these cues in stressful situations.
§ Take your dog out of the situation.
How Do You Safely Socialize Dogs to Children?
The first step is to keep your dog safe and protect him from bad
experiences, keeping in mind that your DOG gets to decide what’s
a good or bad experience irrespective of the intent of the
toddlers. “Socialization” comes from positive
experiences and represents the dog’s conclusion that a particular
situation is safe and normal and nothing to be concerned about.
Socialization does not happen through repeated exposure to scary or
unpleasant things in hopes that the dog will just get used to it.
The next step is to build a strong foundation of attention
behaviors. This is so the dog will know what to do when
he’s unsure. The answer will be to look at you and check in
for guidance.
Exposure to a wide variety of other novel situations (i.e., not
toddlers) will give you and your dog a chance to practice and to build
your dog’s confidence in checking in with you and feeling safe.
If dog is a “blank slate” with toddlers:
§ Still practice first with other novel
stimuli. At the very least, you will see whether there is any
difference when children are involved.
§ Arrange controlled experiences with calm children who will follow directions
§ Do some of the “fostering friendship” suggestions
§ Realize that none of this will make the dog
“like” bad treatment from other children later on.
Nothing will make a dog enjoy being treated poorly!
If dog is already unhappy with toddlers:
§ Do more with other situations; give your dog a break from child interactions.
§ Expect to work with a qualified trainer and/or
do a LOT of self-study to understand aggressive behavior. This is
not something that can be covered in a few tips.
§ Remember to breathe and be calm yourself!
§ Always start working at a distance where your
dog notices but does not get worried. Use double rewards of treat
AND leaving the situation.
§ Don’t expect your dog to suddenly
“like” toddlers. Goal should be to increase your
dog’s comfort zone or goodwill/tolerance buffer in order to get
by safely in everyday situations.
If your unhappy dog must live with a toddler:
§ Pay particular attention to the following
section on red flags and warning signs and plan to consult with a
qualified trainer.
§ Must be able to guarantee that the toddler will not mess with the dog
§ Family must be committed to positive reinforcement-based training
§ Look at the dog’s bite thresholds (what
makes him growl/bite), bite inhibition (how hard might he bite?), size
and power of the dog and any other history of aggressive behavior as
key factors in deciding whether to take a chance living with a toddler.
§ Remember that your toddler will grow to be a
child and your dog may not be as uncomfortable as during the toddler
stage.
Recognizing Warning Signs and Red Flags
The “red flag” examples below are frequently associated
with serious dog/child problems--where there is injury or threat to the
toddler and/or the dog is re-homed or euthanized. Training, management
and your relationship with your dog will affect how serious these
problems may be in your situation. Just knowing the potential for
problems puts you miles ahead of other parents and ensures more
effective vigilance. Red flags don’t necessarily mean an
unworkable situation, but they do require serious family discussion and
a solid plan for resolution and problem prevention. Expect to enlist
the help of a qualified trainer.
NOTE: Review this list with the dogs of friends and family
members in mind, too. If you have a concern, do not risk your
child’s safety out of fear of offending someone!
□ Dog does not live in the house, particularly if chained
□ Unneutered male dog
□ Dog used for protection or guard work
□ Not friendly with children/bad experience with children
□ Little or no basic training, especially leash walking and barking
□ Use of correction-based training or alpha/dominance techniques
□ The child’s primary caregiver has insufficient interest or skill to safely manage dog and toddler
□ Does not like certain types of touch: ____________________________
□ Not friendly with visitors to the house
□ Will growl or bite over food bowl, rawhides, bones or other objects
□ Painful or annoying medical condition: __________________________
□ Objects to being moved off furniture, disturbed when resting, etc.
□ Not all family members “like” the dog
□ You would describe your dog as “Hard to read”
□ Sensitive, nervous dog
□ Dog is “protective” or “possessive” of certain family member(s)
□ Rough play style
□ Shows dissatisfaction by growling, snapping or
biting, for example: when you try to “make” the dog do
something he doesn’t want to do
□ Past history of ANY other aggressive behavior towards people or other animals
□ __________________________________________________
□ __________________________________________________
(Bold items have been associated with infant or toddler fatalities.
Refer to Fatal Dog Attacks, The Stories Behind the Statistics by Karen
Delise.)
Understanding Thresholds – The “Perfect Storm” for a Bite
Rather than label individual dogs as
“biters” or “non-biters,” consider that every
dog has the potential to bite if stretched to his limit. Just as people
have different flash points for their tempers and different things that
“set them off” and different ways of expressing their
angst, dogs are individuals who will react in their own ways to
situations they find stressful. And…having a toddler in the
house can be very stressful.
Remember, dogs don’t bite “out of the
blue” – it just seems that way sometimes when warning signs
are missed. Remember the story of the straw that broke the
camel’s back? Refer to the following illustration to see how a
typical bite can happen.
Bite Thresholds Example:
Bite 10
9
8
Warns 7
6
5
Uncomfortable 4
3
Not Sure 2
1
Fast Movements
Disturbing Sleep
Loud Noises
Accumulated Stress Handling Feet
Key Factors
· How hard will dog bite?
· Number of potential triggers to manage
· How quickly does dog go from 1 to 10?
· Presence of accumulated stress (Goodwill bank account)
· How do you know when dog is uncomfortable or
approaching a trigger point? Calming Signals; signs of stress. Plus,
“okay” is not OK! Goal is a happy, comfortable, relaxed
dog. Know what this looks like!
· When is it just too dangerous for a young child?
Play it Safe – What to Do
· Learn how to help dog “back down” the levels
· Teach alternate reactions; actively reinforce tolerance
· Build dog’s general repertoire and level of responsiveness
· Know that correction/punishment can mask a
growing problem; underlying issue is not “fixed” (See
Training Methods section)
· Get help!
APPENDIX: Where to Go From Here?
San Diego Humane Society FREE Behavior Helpline
· 619-299-7012, Ext. 2244 for any sort of pet
behavior question or problem. Trainer will call back to discuss. Also
lots of classes for family dogs; private consultations and behavior
evaluations also available.
Books and Videos
· The Power of Positive Training by Pat Miller – step-by step dog training book
· Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline by
Becky Bailey, Phd. – a parenting book so helpful for training the
toddler side of things!
· The Cautious Canine by Patricia McConnell – Booklet for fearful and reactive dogs.
· Click to Calm by Emma Parsons –
Written for dogs uncomfortable with other dogs, but applies equally to
dogs and toddlers.
· Clicker Puppy (DVD) by Karen Pryor – Children are doing all the training for young pups.
· Take a Bow, Wow! by Broitman and Lippman – Videos on all kinds of tricks!
Internet Resources
· You are welcome to e-mail me with any
questions or concerns at enjoydog@san.rr.com. I offer a limited number
of private consultations and will be adding hands-on dog training
classes specifically for expectant parents and other classes to help
preschool age children foster friendships with their dogs. Send me an
e-mail if you’d like advance notice for any of these
programs. Also, I will have a website up in a few months:
http://www.dogsbabieskids.com (not ready yet, though!).
· http://www.clickersolutions.com –
Great website with helpful e-mail list, tips and interesting articles
on many different training challenges. See also
http://www.clickertraining.com for fascinating articles on real life
applications of scientific training.
· http://www.apdt.com – Association of
Pet Dog Trainers website has a listing of trainers throughout the
country. MOST APDT trainers use positive reinforcement methods but this
is not a requirement of membership; use good judgment when interviewing
trainers. You may also call the SDHS Behavior Helpline to discuss
training recommendations.
· http://www.yahoogroups.com – Look for
the group called “AgBeh” for a discussion forum on
aggressive behavior in dogs. As always, use your good judgment
before following any old suggestion, but this group is usually
well-moderated by an experienced, reinforcement-based trainer and can
be great place to learn more about aggressive behavior.
APPENDIX: Nutrition Information
As mentioned in the materials, diet plays an
important role in your dog’s overall well-being and behavior,
particularly regarding aggressive behaviors. There are tons of internet
resources on nutrition and references to lots of books with more
information on the subject. The Whole Dog Journal provides independent
name brand food reviews on an annual basis. Refer to
http://www.whole-dog-journal.com for the full articles and analysis.
Brands that have made the Whole Dog Journal’’s list of Recommended brands for several years running:
· California Natural – Chicken and Rice
· Canidae
· Flint River Ranch Dry Water
· Solid Gold
· Natural Balance Dry Dog Food
· Innova
· Avo-derm
Brands on the Whole Dog Journal’’s “Not Recommended” list include:
· Diamond’s Premium
· Eukaneuba Adult
· Iams
· Nature’s Recipe
· Nutro Max
· Purina One
· Beniful
· Science Diet Canine Maintenance
· Pedigree Prime
For further questions, consult with your veterinarian for a referral to a veterinary nutrition specialist.